I think I would have made the same mistake as Eve.
Okay, hear me out.
I worry a lot, I mean, A LOT. As someone who grew up in a Christian family, I was taught to trust God, especially when worried or afraid. And, until 2020, that worked for me. Through messy high school and college relationships, I was happy to trust God that things would work out. All things work together for good, right? But then, the pandemic hit, and my fundamental sense of things being okay because I could “give it to God” and “Trust God” was profoundly shaken. I was lucky. No-one in my immediate family died or got long COVID-19, and after two years of lockdowns, my life went back to normal. But the realisation that so many others had not, that so much pain had been experienced by so many across the globe, decimated my sense of being able to trust God that everything would be okay. So many people died. So many developed debilitating long-term issues. So much grief and heartache, worldwide.
And God didn’t stop it.
Enter the conversations about “God doesn’t stop bad things”, and the theological explanations for how God can exist alongside evil in the world. But in spite of these, a crack had formed in my heart around this fundamental question. The pandemic was such a large, terrible, worldwide thing. If God could allow that, what else would He allow? And how could I trust my small life to Him? Things I used to be able to pray about and then stop worrying, I now hold onto just in case God doesn’t help me in that situation. How can I give it to God if I don’t know that He’ll fix it? I need to fix it myself in case He doesn’t.
I think worry and fear are very common human emotions. And I think that struggling to leave things in God’s hands, doubting God’s goodness, love and involvement in our lives is a natural part of the faith journey.
The Bible says over and over to “Trust in the Lord” instead of our own understanding, to “Be anxious for nothing,” leaving things to God, and to “Not worry about tomorrow”, so it’s easy to feel like a failure of a Christian when we struggle to do just that. It’s easy to feel like our faith is broken if trusting God seems scary, because of the things He “might let happen”.
Perhaps the reason that the encouragement to “trust God” is given so many times over in the Bible is that God knows it’s hard for us.
So, what does this have to do with Eve?
Eve gets a lot of hate for her choice. It’s because of her choice that we’re in this mess, thousands of years later. But, if it came down to a choice, to trust God’s word, or to let doubt creep in, I don’t know if I would do any better.
But within Eve’s tragic lack of trust in God’s truth and goodness, there is hope for us.
Eve knew God personally, in a way we have not been able to since the fall. Eve spent time talking to God, face to face. She saw first-hand His creating power. She met with Him in the garden every day. She knew Him in a tangible way. And yet, when it came time to trust His word over the serpent’s, she wasn’t able to do so. She had hard physical evidence of God’s existence, glory and power, and yet, the act of placing her whole trust in God, to believe that He wasn’t keeping the truth from her, proved too much for her. If trusting God was hard for Eve, how much harder is it for us, now, after the fall? We can’t see God tangibly, and sometimes He feels far away. Trusting God with things that worry us can feel like being asked to jump off a cliff without a parachute, trusting an invisible net to catch us.
Jesus says to His disciples after His resurrection, “You believe because you have seen. Blessed are those who have not seen, yet believe.”
I think God knows it’s hard for us to trust Him. Jesus acknowledged it. And I firmly believe God doesn’t hold it against us. Eve made a fatal mistake when she took the word of Satan over the word of the One who created her, walked with her and talked with her.
And yet, her failure to trust God wasn’t the end. Sin entered the world, and Eve had to experience death, and we all now have to deal with all the consequences. But instead of saying to Eve, “Well, you didn’t trust Me, you’ve blown it forever” and leaving us on our own, God came up with a way to save us, at His own expense. He promised Eve that despite her failure to trust Him, and all the pain that resulted from her choice, He would send His Son to pay the ultimate price, so that the pain and death we now experience is not permanent. What’s more, He has promised to be with us through always, “Even until the end of the age”, through whatever pain and suffering this life brings us.
Our failure to trust God at times doesn’t mean we are doomed; nor does it mean God will give up on us.
So maybe we can’t trust God that bad things won’t happen, but maybe we can trust that God will be with us through them, and that He can bring good things out of them even if they happen. Maybe that’s the true meaning of Romans 8:28: “All things work together for good to those who love God . . .”
Trusting God is hard. It was hard for Eve, who knew God face to face, and it’s even harder for us. But I think God gets that, and like He didn’t give up on Eve when she failed to trust Him, He won’t give up on us when we also fail. His working for good in our lives isn’t dependent on us always having perfect trust in Him. And while we can’t trust bad things won’t happen, or that God will stop bad things from happening, we can trust that He will be with us through the pain and suffering, that He can bring good out of it, and that ultimately, He will set things right.
Next time you find yourself feeling like it’s hard to trust God, or that it just feels so scary to give up worry and control, remember that you’re in good company, and that no matter what happens, God is with you. Also remember that just like with Eve, God won’t give up on you even when you do fail to trust Him, and that all the bad things you go through will be worked for good, whether in this life time, or the next.
Caitlin Jankiewicz has a passion for both numbers and words. She is working on a Masters of Research in Mathematics while teaching high school maths in Sydney, where she lives with her amazing husband and adorable cat.
